BBQ and cable companies

Things I ate:

8:00 am: 2 eggs over easy, bacon and toast

12:00 pm: BBQ wrap with slaw and potato salad (Home Team BBQ)

5:30 pm: General Tso’s shimp with rice

9: 30 pm: angel hair pasta with brie and tomatoes

Things I hate : cable companies

I am getting raped by my cable company.  Not fucked.  Fucking is consensual. I am getting raped because I have no choice in the matter.  In my area, Comcast is the only cable provider, so if you want cable you have to go through them or go fuck yourself and get a shitty satellite dish.  I have experienced this in different parts of the country.  Be it Time Warner or Comcast or another provider they are the only game in town.  They have a monopoly which means they can overcharge me, give me shitty service and wander by to fix my always screwed up internet whenever the hell they feel.  They aren’t even accountable for the repairs because all the work is done by independent contractors.

      This isn’t the first time an industry has screwed the consumer due to a huge market share.  Remember, before Netflix, when Blockbuster would charge you a crazy amount for late fees?  I felt like they made more money off late fees than rentals.  And God forbid you lost a movie you would have to give them a testicle. Well now that Netflix is in the game they can’t charge late fees anymore and they haven’t gone under.

In summation, fuck you Comcast cable.  You’re like an ex- girlfriend with the clap.  I know I hate you and I know you’re no good for me but I still need you and that pisses me off.  No matter how much you charge and no matter how late you are for your appointment I still need to watch the Soup, Always Sunny, Monday Night Football, and check my Facebook so I can’t quit you, but get the fuck over to my house and FIX MY INTERNET you bastards.

 

thai soup and crazy liberals

Things I ate:

10:00 am: omelet with mushrooms, sautéed onions, crumbled sausage, parmesan cheese and 3 pieces of bacon.

11:15 am: 2 handfuls of Cheese Its

12:30pm: 2 bowls of Bryers Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream

2:45 pm: Bowl O’ chili

4:30 pm: more ice cream

7:25 pm: Thai chicken soup and sliced tomatoes topped with mozzarella, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, salt and pepper.  
 

Things I hate: overzealous liberals

Just to show that my ire is not confined solely to the Right I also hate a section of the left: the overzealous liberal.  This overzealous liberal relies on hyper-emotional reactions rather than actual fact and makes the rest of us--the reasoned liberal--look bad.

Here are some indicators that you are engaged with an overzealous liberal:

They reference either the rules of Utimate Frisbee or Noam Chomsky during an argument.

They go to lots of potlucks but only bring edamame or tabule.

They often use the alliterative sentence “Well, at Warren Wilson we…”

To speak with them you have to scream up into a tree on Berkley’s campus in which they are currently living.

While talking to an overzealous liberal you will be exposed to at least one of three distinctive scents: 1. Intense BO 2. Patchouli 3.Onions (they love cooking with onions).

The problem I have with the OL is that they prefer drastic, extremist solutions rather than reasoned responses.  The best example of the drastic liberal screwing the rest of us is the 2000 election.  Those crazy fucks voted for Ralph Nader. By running too far to the left they effectively gave the election to Bush which screwed all the liberals and ironically themselves.  So, as a rational liberal, I will not be letting it mellow even if it’s yellow.  I will not be feeding myself out of the grocery dumpster even though I agree we are a wasteful society.  I will still be routing for the Indians even though their mascot is racist.  And when someone asks, “Why was Helen Keller a bad driver?” and then informs me that it was because “she was a woman,” I’m going to laugh even though it is sexist.  So fuck off liberal extremists.  You make us all look crazy and you’re not helping!! 

Steak and Young republicans

Things I ate:

9:30 am: sesame seed bagel with cream cheese and smoked salmon

12:30 pm: grilled trout  with spinach

5:30 pm: Steak sandwich with chopped onions and cambozolo cheese (pictured above)

9:42 pm: seared chicken breast with rice. 

Things I hate:  Young Republicans

Everyone’s had one or two of these guys at their high school.  At mine it was Reagan Hobe (seriously his parents named him Reagan in the early 80s).  You know who I am talking about, the ones who read the Wall Street Journal online and would have been the first in line for the Hitler youth program.  What pisses me off about the young republicans is that I don't understand why they are Republicans.  

            While I don't agree with older republicans I at least understand why they are members of the GOP.  They got old and started to make some money and all of a sudden the higher tax burden of the democrats became unappealing.  Or, they see an ever liberalizing world as the youth take over and they vote socially republican with a “that would never fly in my day”, or “these kids these days” mentality.

            When young republicans state their case they fall into one of two categories.  They are either the “I love guns and hate queers” variety or the “I like sailing and khakis and am not good at sharing” variety.  I am not pissed because they don't share my viewpoint but because they never justify it with a rational argument.  If they said “I truly believe a supply side economic approach is the proper path to economic and therefore social growth in America,” I would get it.  But they never make a rational appeal they just always seem like they simply want to anger their peers by taking an unpopular political position.  Liberals may be thought of as the classic anti-social but on a modern college campus with a majority leftist faculty and student body it is the right-wingers who raise anger from the herd. This politics as a means to piss people off rather than a validly held ethos is why I hate young Republicans. 

Wontons and Condoms

Things I ate:

8:30 am: Poppy seed bagel with red pepper cream cheese

12:20 pm: Wonton soup, Mongolian beef (Osaka restaurant) 

7:30 pm: 7 lemon pepper wings (Recovery Room tavern)

Things I Hate:

Condoms. We all hate them and we all know why.  They make a fun endeavor substantially less pleasurable for everyone involved.  On top of the physical problems, they inject a nice helping of awkwardness into what is likely an already awkward procedure. If it is not awkward you are either A: regularly sleeping together, or B: drunk, either way you’re not using condoms anyway. So condoms are silly looking, expensive and make an intimate experience practically medical but that isn’t the worst part.

The true screw of the condom is that as bad as they are to use they will always be better than babies and AIDS. So, no matter how bad condoms are you still have to wear them.  It’s like paying your taxes.  Paying them royally sucks but the alternative is going to jail and getting ass raped (likely without a condom).  So no matter how high your taxes go you will pay them and no matter how silly your dangle looks encased in purple ribbed latex you will wear them.

 

Shrimp and big dinners

Things i ate:

8:30 am: bagel with smoked salmon cream cheese 

11:45 am: wild mushroom lasagna 

4:00 pm: queso salsa and corn chips

5:30 pm: bowl of Ben and Jerry's "everything but the" ice cream 

8: 00 pm: mushroom soup with goat cheese, BBQ seasoned shrimp with seared scallops (Red Drum restaurant)

Things i hate:

When one of your friends decides to have a big diner out for their birthday.  I'm going to spend 2 hour eating at a table with 22 other people.  Speaking only to the 3 people around me who i can actually hear.  Worst off, watching our poor server cringe when we tell her to split the check 21 ways. ( we are young and poor, therefore, nobody pays for anyone else except for the birthday girl that came up with this horrible idea)