Friday, August 7, 2009

did anyone else think this was an anti-spousal abuse commercial?

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Hash browns and Twilight

Things I ate:

8:00 am: Hash browns and leftover pizza

12:30 pm: roast beef sandwich , hot and spicy cheesits

7: 30 pm: Thai curry chicken with brown rice, farmers market tomatoes with mozzarella and olive oil

9:00 pm: bag of Pretzel Flips (I love these things)


Things I hate: Twilight

Ok so I don’t even hate Twilight for the horrible writing, one-dimensional characters, or the message that it sends to girls that weakness and helplessness are attractive qualities.  What I hate is that Edward Cullen is 107 years old and dating a 17 year old.  This guy was born in 1901 and nobody has a problem with him dating a highschooler.  I think its sick.  If he were an old man that magically transformed into the body of a 17 year old and started nailing everyone in his high school we would find it morally reprehensible.  Just because he looks 17 doesn’t mean he is.  He’s old as fuck.  His first car was a horse.  His favorite song when he was a real teenager was the Confederate March.  He is older than Bellas dad!  He was born before Oklahoma was a state!!  He should have been dating 17 year olds during  WWI!!  I think he is just some sick old man who runs this game at every new school he has been going to for the last 100 years.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Kids with Mustaches!!!

What I ate:

9:00 am : sausage and 2 scrambled eggs

12:30: bowl of chili

7:45 pm: grilled fish, carrots, and biscuits

11:00 pm: Bryers mint chocolate chip ice cream and Rolos


What I hate: creepy kid mustaches

Ok so I was watching the Scripps national spelling bee and I was reminded of 2 things.  First, I will never be as smart as these freaks and secondly, there is a creepy moustache epidemic plaguing our nations middle schoolers.  I keep seeing these kids who just barely have a moustache and don’t know what to do about it.  Now I know you are in that awkward phase before people tell you that you need to wear deodorant and shave that sketch stache but,  THIS IS NOT A GOOD LOOK.   You do not look like a man.  You look like a 12 year old impersonating a man who molests 12 year olds.  So please people, if you have a child or sibling who suffers from creep-stache syndrome tell them that they have to get rid of that caterpillar on their lip it's making me sick.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

salmon and couples

Things I ate:

8:30 am: everything bagel with cream cheese

12:30 pm: leftover pizza and karamelsutra icecream

7:00 pm: baked salmon, carrots

 things I hate:

Couples that sit on the same side of the booth:

Come on!  Stop this.  Your happiness is making me sick.  It pisses everyone off.  It pisses the single people off because they don't’ have anyone to elbow during lunch.  It also pisses off all the people who are in relationships because it makes them remember that at some point in their current relationship they actually like the person there are with enough to paw each other over breakfast.   The only solace that I get when seeing this is knowing that in a matter of months this couple will be either broken up or sitting opposite of each other silently criticizing the eating habits of their companion and wondering how they are still with this person.

Saturday, March 28, 2009


Vince Offer, aka Vincent Shlomi, aka the Sham Wow guy, has been arrested for beating up a high-class hooker.  apparently he paid a pro 1000 dollars to go back to his room from a miami bar.  This woman bit his tongue and he punched her repeatedly.  maybe he can slap his troubles away with the slap chop; or at least wipe that blood off his face with the sham wow.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Things I ate:
italian sub, three cheese mac and cheese (teds butcher block)

its early, that is all I have eaten today.

things I hate:  this commercial 

So I have been watching hours of basketball during the tournament and this commercial keeps popping up.  Now I have no problem with a product that is designed to help women trim their lady parts, but I do have a problem with this disgusting commercial.  They think they are being subtle by showing us bushes (BUSHES!!!) being cleaned up into nice shapes.  I just really didn't need to know that the woman by the pool prefers the landing strip while showering woman goes for the triangle.  Have we no shame people?  By the way you know the person who pitched this at the add agency was a dude. 

“Its bushes getting smaller because of our Shick trimmer”

“Brilliant Jim, brilliant!”

10 points to anyone who can tell me what the song is (I can't figure it out)

Monday, March 9, 2009

Things I ate:

9:00 am: 3 scrambled eggs, 4 pieces of bacon

11:00 am: everything bagel with cream cheese (thanks Hudson)

2:00 pm: chicken quesadilla ½ of a tuna taco (Poe’s restaurant)

11:00 pm: bowl of chili



Bottled water has gotten out of hand.  There was a time, not so long ago, that we just drank the water from the faucet.  If you wanted to take water somewhere, like the gym, you filled up a bottle and took it with you.  Tap water was fine for years, but today, because of all of the bottled water, I have some irrational fear that my tap water is diseased.  I am no crazy environmentalist but bottled water in America alone adds 29 billion water bottles to our landfills and uses up 17 billion barrels of oil to produce. “Imagine a water bottle filled a quarter of the way up with oil. That’s about how much oil was needed to produce the bottle” (this is from national geographic for kids. link ) Can you believe that we are paying someone to ship water from fucking Fiji to our house?!  This is why the Saudis have us by the balls.

            I also don't understand how these companies have convinced us to go out and buy a product that is already pumped into our house for much cheaper.  It is like selling air.   By the way, I am not talking about the people who buy a bottle of water at the gas station before a road trip, but the people at Costco loading up on 14 pallets of the stuff to keep in their fridge right next to their sink.

            My biggest problem with the over the counter water is that it isn’t simply water anymore.  Now it comes with coloring, flavoring, and salt added to it.  This is called Gatorade people.  We have come full circle from buying sports drinks to buying water to now buying water that has been turned back into a sports drink.  By the way, those electrolytes that are so great in Gatorade is just salt (NaCl)!