Things I ate:
9:00 am : 3 scrambled eggs, 3 pieces of bacon, bagel with cream cheese (pictured)
12:30 pm: leftover Andolini’s pizza, olives, chips and salsa, “everything but the” ice cream
7:30 pm: chicken tikki masala green beans
10:00 pm: more ice cream and chips
Things I hate: Vince Offer
Vince Offer is also known as “ the Sham Wow guy”. You can check out his new spot for the Slap Chop here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUbWjIKxrrs
I don't so much hate Vince himself as much as I hate the condescending way he makes his pitch. I am used to the over excitement and fatherly coaxing of more traditional pitch men like Billy Mays or the Video Professor ("try my product"). This guy is like some sort of coked up insult comic. “you following me camera guy?” I hope this isn’t a new advertising strategy for the recession. I wont be able to stomach the new Pepsi slogan: drink Pepsi, asshole!
Things I ate:
8:30 am: one scrambled egg, bagel with cream cheese and salmon
12:30 pm: bowl of chili and Phish Food ice cream
5:30 pm: BBQ sandwich with pickles and a bunch of Doritos
9:30 pm: broccoli and ribs, more ice cream
Things I hate: Lift ticket on jacket guy
You all know this guy. Your hanging out in the middle of the week miles away from any mountains and he still has his lift ticket attached to his zipper. Is this shit necessary in the bar really? This is the same douchy guy/ girl who leaves the wristband from the concert or the hand stamp from the club on for days. We get it; you went somewhere and did something awesome. You know what, we like music, drinking, and skiing also but we aren’t so bent on braggadocio that we have to announce it to the world. I did this same thing when I went to my first music festival but that was in middle school and I haven’t done it since. These are the same people who spend their entire beach vacation thinking about their tan so people know they went to the beach when they get home. These people suck and we should all stop going skiing, clubbing, or generally doing anything with them.
I went to the bathroom at the restaurant last night and they had one of those towel-dispensing robots. This thing shoots out about 6 inches of brown “paper” so not absorbent that I have to stand there like a schizophrenic mime waiving my hands back and forth for 5 minutes just to get enough to dry my hands. (Maybe the frantic fruitless hand waiving in front of the motion sensor is supposed to dry your hands?) Why cant we make a robot that can dry hands? Those blower things suck. You just stand there flipping your hands: top, bottom, top, bottom and your never dry.
How is it that we can build a robot like this (turn your sound on for this)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBMU6l6GsdM&eurl=http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/multiple-kill-vehicle but we cant make a robot that dries hands? We should give the task to Boeing or Lockheed Martin. Then, we would have a ten million dollar badass hand-drying robot that would also kill non-Christians (all their products do that now, its like a side effect/trademark thing you cant avoid)
(a friend took the above picture in the store at the corner of Calhoun and Rutledge)
And while we are at it, get off the fucking phone. You’re at work for God’s sake. I can’t help but wonder who you are talking to. Is the person on the other line also at work? Do they also have a customer standing in front of them looking pissed off? Is he my doppelganger? If this happens to you just do what I do and interrupt their phone call with a string of ridiculous questions. Here are some suggestions:
Will there be a sale on Beef jerky in the near future?
Can you measure my height with this strip on the side of your door?
Is an Icy a solid or a liquid?
Does unleaded gas weigh less than leaded gas?
If the store is open 24/7 why are there locks on the door?
Who does your nails?
If this doesn't get them so mad they hang up I don't know what to tell you.
. (if you live in Charleston you can view these phenomenon at the Sergeant Jasper, and that gas station on the corner of Calhoun and Rutledge across from the hospital)
these people are fucking sick. Listen here, I know you are trying to railroad your child into a life of swapping felatio for narcotics by naming her Crystal and blowing her college money in Reno, but this shit is going to far. Piercing an infant is trashier than that meth lab in your basement. How would you like it if someone started poking holes in you without your consent? For more on this check out :
Really , that is the name of their website. For extra credit see if you can find this telling quote on their site: “I do all ages”.
