prosciutto and clerks

(a friend took the above picture in  the store at the corner of Calhoun and Rutledge)

Things I ate:

9:00 am: Bacon, egg, cheese and salsa breakfast sandwich

12:30 pm: sandwich made out of leftover holiday honey baked ham

8:00 pm: prosciutto, Seafood pasta, (Trattoria de Luca) 

Things I hate: Clerks

I went to my local convenience store today and they had a tip jar on the counter.  What the Fuck?  When did it become ok for just anybody to put out a tip jar?  You’re not bringing or preparing food for me.  You are ringing up my Twizzlers and Gatorade.  The kids at the coffee shop and ice cream place are pushing, it but at least they are sort of making food for me.  You, convenience store guy, do nothing.  This is like putting a tip jar at the grocery store check out

And while we are at it, get off the fucking phone.  You’re at work for God’s sake.  I can’t help but wonder who you are talking to.  Is the person on the other line also at work?  Do they also have a customer standing in front of them looking pissed off? Is he my doppelganger?  If this happens to you just do what I do and interrupt their phone call with a string of ridiculous questions.   Here are some suggestions:

Will there be a sale on Beef jerky in the near future?

  Can you measure my height with this strip on the side of your door?

  Is an Icy a solid or a liquid? 

Does unleaded gas weigh less than leaded gas?

If the store is open 24/7 why are there locks on the door?

  Who does your nails?

If this doesn't get them so mad they hang up I don't know what to tell you.

.  (if you live in Charleston you can view these phenomenon at the Sergeant Jasper, and that gas station on the corner of Calhoun and Rutledge across from the hospital)

Things I ate:

8:30 am: everything bagel with cream cheese

12:30 pm: leftover lasagna and Doritos

7:00 pm: waffle and hashbrowns from Waffle house (should have gone with the Allstar special)

Things I hate: Parents who pierce their babies

these people are fucking sick.  Listen here, I know you are trying to railroad your child into a life of swapping felatio for narcotics by naming her Crystal and blowing her college money in Reno,  but this shit is going to far.  Piercing an infant is trashier than that meth lab in your basement.  How would you like it if someone started poking holes in you without your consent?  For more on this check out :

http://www.babypiercing.com/ 

Really , that is the name of their website.  For extra credit see if you can find this telling quote on their site: “I do all ages”.

Manza and models

Things I ate:

8:30 am: everything bagel with cream cheese

12:30 pm: some sort of asian noodles with beef and bean sprouts. and some dorritos.

5:45 pm: 3 slices of left over pizza from Manza 

Things I hate: facebook models

We get it, you’re hot, and you have done some modeling in your time, but seriously this is retarded.  Do you think that this pic is going to suddenly launch your career and you can quit your job at Starbucks?  Have you not noticed that all of your friends have put up normal pictures of themselves?  This shit is so arrogant.  Why don't you just leave the Glamour shot on your mom’s mantle and forget it ever happened.

(Both of these pics were taken from profile pics off my friends list)

(Sorry Beth and Heather,  these pics were just to perfect for the subject not to use. anyway I doubt you read my blog and you made them your facebook pics so maybe its fair game.)

Bagels and Burns

Things I ate:

8:30 am: everything bagel with cream cheese 

12:30 pm: bowl of chili, chips and salsa

5:15 pm: big plate of left over stuffing, bowl of "everything but the.." ice cream

Things I hate:  Guys with no sideburns

No sideburn guys

Listen guys, this is not a good look!!  What on earth would make you say to your barber "you know what, lets just cut these burns all the way up."  Are you thinking your ears are so attractive that they must not be obstructed?  Are you shaving one morning and just take it to far? Whatever the reason, I implore you to stop!!  

I noticed during my extensive sideburn research that the "noburn" may have evolved from the mullet.  Take these 2 pictures of Jose Conseco.  On the left, Conseco (mid 90s) is sporting the classic mullet sans burns.  On the right you can see that Conseco has updated his style by dropping the mullet but for some reason has retained an alarming lack of burn.  I have also noticed that there is an alarming correlation between the no-burn and sports figures, as evident by the pictures I found.

do roids kill burns?

Finally I would like to present this pic of Matt Damon to show that you don't have to go overboard to avoid the no-burn. I'm not asking for mutton chops here.  Damon has chosen to rock only a half inch of burn, but even this small amount of burn is enough to rescue him from the look of no burn.  Please guys make wise burn choices!